So, sitting here this morning (several before this appears here), coughing and snorting as my allergy hell cranked up last night, I'm reflecting on my successes and failures at writing.
The success column adds up fairly fast, just a few things...
1. A short story in an anthology that is available in print and eBook form.
2. A drabble (100 word story) in an anthology eBook.
3. A short op/ed piece in an eMagazine.
4. Two poems printed in an obscure local paper hawked only by the homeless... but at least they saw ink and paper.
5. A blog that has been lighting up the last year, finally, as my perseverance paid off. Thanks to those visiting, bigger thanks to those who return or steer others to here to read poems, stories, or even my other writings.
6. did it mostly on my own, no real editors or beta-readers. Save the op/ed and the short... which still did not get much in the way of edit applied.
7. had a month where what I earned by pen kept me from flying a sign to survive. Not much, but I had my tobacco and coffee money, even enough for a couple of burgers between food bank visits.
Failures? Yeah, there are many... most were just personal goals...
1. Never got to finish the poetry collection. Still might make one last effort, but fear without a pro touching it for formatting, poems will still be very choppy in appearance.
2. My favorite poem still languishes with few hits... those reading this can use the favorites side bar to the right to choose to read "Deerboy on a Bicycle" and turn that around.
3. Never finished the edits on the stories I tossed up on the blog here, and over on Billenius and Scorpio blogs. My anger got the better of me, when my ears started burning, and the words doing it got back to me. Should have kept my temper, probably, but hell, I can start over on new projects to rebuild, if I get a chance.
4. Exile's Road really should have seen ink and paper... again, my impatience was at fault there... not so much impatience to see it out there, but the impatience over "fix the knife fight". Dude, most knife fights I've seen were over before I noticed someone on the ground. One to six stab/slash moves, all done high speed, by one side only, usually. (few folks have the guts to face another person who is also armed, and ready to dance.)
5. Never getting those Steam-punk stories fixed... they were good. And I think with some loving attention, I could have fixed them to at least the level Billenius's tales have.
6. Never moving on to "Words from the Curbs and Under the Bridges" a collection of poems and writings I planned to set out some of the issues and problems I saw during my time homeless.
7. Too many tales I had small starts or ideas on that got nowhere... or languished in hidden spots on my hard drive... found now only as I start a clean and back up move to clear this dying laptop for storage with friends. Sorry to those characters, for failing them.
8. Wish I'd finished the tales that you got only the starts of on the blogs... Blade of the Eagle Clansman, Predator's Ground's re-write, Payback War, Black Banner Red Banner, and some others. Wish I'd done that edit all the way through on Journey to Freedom, smoothing that tale out more, and moved on into Seas of Treachery and Waking the Stone Gods, been able to fix The Knife Has No Forgiveness, finish up the elemental demon saga for Scorpio... done more edits to Paths of Damnation, Chain of Sorrows (you'll see the parts I felt okay sharing come December, just to show I had something up my sleeve...). Lots of things started and never finished, partly from frustration at the job search failing (you need money to live on while starting a writing career) and partly from just being me...
Gray areas? Yeah, there are some... but that fog those things lie in leaves me hoping them move to the green column on my spreadsheet, or at least get me past skunk corner on God's Cribbage Board.
Does that spreadsheet of mine balance? How should I know, the jury is still out... and I may never know, unless things turn around in these final days amid a failed and broken society. never mind, that is something I need to save for my few rants against the way we are as a nation and world.
Well, Not sure what else I can say, other than hope you still read during this winter hiatus.. enjoy the stuff I have canned and queued up to fall on the blogs during it, Hope I come back with a better attitude towards myself, and the world, willing to pick up my "pen" and write once again.
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