It ain't easy.
You think it is,
but it ain't.
Holding this damned sign
waiting long hours
to get just enough
for my needs.
Each car passing
is not dollar signs,
just folks driving
to some place else.
I don't count
unless I'm really bored
cars between coins.
Yeah, It's humiliating,
standing there looking dumb
with a sign
that begs for help
when I'd rather
do it for myself.
No other choice.
Denied most jobs
not getting those interviews,
and the few
that I landed failing
to give deliverance
from this long pain
of being... homeless.
Some yell obscenities,
others turn noses up,
a few give
some out of guilt,
a few fearfully
knowing it could be
then standing here.
Hot or cold,
come rain or shine,
I have to
stand out here frequently,
just for coffee
and a day's smokes
to stay sane.
I'm not proud
of being out here,
it's breaking me
tearing off little pieces
of my soul,
never to be returned
to this boy.
It gets tougher
fewer free corners left
as the leaves
turn with fall's arrival
and it arrives
"The Season of Giving"
when all "Fly".
I'm no pro.
And not here trying
to get rich.
An ounce, maybe two
of pipe tobacco,
and coffee tomorrow morn
is my goal.
Won't turn away
more if it's offered,
but won't stay
to milk it dry.
I set limits,
dollars and hours here,
to avoid Greed.
Fiver and quarters
suffices most times, really.
That's an ounce
and one refill mug
at the Sev.
But Fridays are tougher,
following Sabbath rules.
See a lot
of things standing about.
Wrecks, near-misses, people,
strange clothes, cool rides,
and cute gals
whose passing is noted
if very cautiously.
Don't always win,
"Some days bear wins
others you do"
a lot of guys
tell me regularly.
But I'm still rated
the worst kite-flier.
It's that pride.
Still don't want it,
the free ride.
Only do it now
to stay sane
get what I need
to keep going.
End of day
you count it out
praying you received
just what's needed
and maybe smidgen more
for a donut
with that coffee tomorrow
if you wake.
4September2013 - Dyfedd Rex
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